5 thing I've learned in one year of marriage!
A couple of days ago, as I was going through some books and notebooks, I came across a two-page note that I wrote to Brett on our one month anniversary. I closed that letter with the verse that is the reason for this whole blog, 2 Corinthians 12:9.
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
I wrote that his weaknesses and strengths as a new husband in this past year were for Christ's sake as were mine as a wife. Both of us have seen that to be true. When Brett and I walked out of that wedding mass, we went from being a couple to a marriage. We knew things would be hard and we would be learning a lot. Being married has been the biggest blessing in my life but it has also been hard work and will probably always be. Here are some things that I have learned in our first year of marriage:
1. Always say please & thank you. This is one about which I have to be extra intentional. I am very good at expressing emotion in writing but not so good verbally. In the Gospel of Luke after Jesus heals ten who were sick with leprosy, only one returns to say “thank you”. We don't know how to say thanks. Yet if you listen closely to them, there is something about using those words that remind you of your blessings in life. It is important to remember that our spouses are a gift from God and our thanks increase our growth. This allows us to grow in kindness toward our spouse.
2. Let the little things go. People warned me about this before I got married, along with other similar advice such as don't go to bed angry. I have found marriage to be an unceasing and intentional practice of letting the little things go and focusing on the roots, the heart, the core of what matters every single day. In the end, I believe that most things are "little things" because life is so short. I could lose Brett tomorrow. No one knows what tomorrow will bring.
3. Say "I'm sorry" quickly and mean it. This follows the second lesson because even if you chose to let things go saying ”I'm sorry” is also important. There are mountains of things that you will disagree on or fight over in marriage. Some of them won't be small. Saying "I'm sorry” is the beginning of uniting to solve the problems together so they do not consume the sacrament you are living.
4. Pray with each other and for each other. When we were dating, Brett and I started visiting the adoration chapel together almost every week. As a married couple, we pray every morning and evening as well as before every meal. I have offered novenas and many of my communions for Brett and our marriage. I recently read the following from a deacon I know who wrote that "couples who are not hesitant to engage in intimacy of the physical nature will often state that they are uncomfortable praying together. On the one hand, it seems that being naked physically should be more difficult than praying, however being naked spiritually, emotionally is far more intimate when you think, about it." When we pray, we have an intimate conversation with God. Praying with your spouse is living out the sacrament. We are being vulnerable in sharing what our hearts desire.
5. Put your spouse first. Now, this should be a given, but it is honestly the one that is hardest for me. I asked Brett what he has learned from one year of marriage and he said that getting used to not having everything be just about him. I would agree with him completely. I thought I was pretty good at putting others first but what do you know, I was wrong. Most days, I want to do what I want with my free time. I have learned that putting his desires first makes me happier and usually he desires to put me first and in return, our marriage is first rather than ourselves.
I've learned so much in one year of marriage but these are the top ones! I am praying to see daily the graces of married life and share them with others so they start to be aware of their own graces. Thank God, for a wonderful first year of marriage and may He bless us with 80 more to practice these five things until we are saints!
Grace Abounds,
Itzel Duke
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
I wrote that his weaknesses and strengths as a new husband in this past year were for Christ's sake as were mine as a wife. Both of us have seen that to be true. When Brett and I walked out of that wedding mass, we went from being a couple to a marriage. We knew things would be hard and we would be learning a lot. Being married has been the biggest blessing in my life but it has also been hard work and will probably always be. Here are some things that I have learned in our first year of marriage:
1. Always say please & thank you. This is one about which I have to be extra intentional. I am very good at expressing emotion in writing but not so good verbally. In the Gospel of Luke after Jesus heals ten who were sick with leprosy, only one returns to say “thank you”. We don't know how to say thanks. Yet if you listen closely to them, there is something about using those words that remind you of your blessings in life. It is important to remember that our spouses are a gift from God and our thanks increase our growth. This allows us to grow in kindness toward our spouse.
2. Let the little things go. People warned me about this before I got married, along with other similar advice such as don't go to bed angry. I have found marriage to be an unceasing and intentional practice of letting the little things go and focusing on the roots, the heart, the core of what matters every single day. In the end, I believe that most things are "little things" because life is so short. I could lose Brett tomorrow. No one knows what tomorrow will bring.
3. Say "I'm sorry" quickly and mean it. This follows the second lesson because even if you chose to let things go saying ”I'm sorry” is also important. There are mountains of things that you will disagree on or fight over in marriage. Some of them won't be small. Saying "I'm sorry” is the beginning of uniting to solve the problems together so they do not consume the sacrament you are living.
4. Pray with each other and for each other. When we were dating, Brett and I started visiting the adoration chapel together almost every week. As a married couple, we pray every morning and evening as well as before every meal. I have offered novenas and many of my communions for Brett and our marriage. I recently read the following from a deacon I know who wrote that "couples who are not hesitant to engage in intimacy of the physical nature will often state that they are uncomfortable praying together. On the one hand, it seems that being naked physically should be more difficult than praying, however being naked spiritually, emotionally is far more intimate when you think, about it." When we pray, we have an intimate conversation with God. Praying with your spouse is living out the sacrament. We are being vulnerable in sharing what our hearts desire.
5. Put your spouse first. Now, this should be a given, but it is honestly the one that is hardest for me. I asked Brett what he has learned from one year of marriage and he said that getting used to not having everything be just about him. I would agree with him completely. I thought I was pretty good at putting others first but what do you know, I was wrong. Most days, I want to do what I want with my free time. I have learned that putting his desires first makes me happier and usually he desires to put me first and in return, our marriage is first rather than ourselves.
I've learned so much in one year of marriage but these are the top ones! I am praying to see daily the graces of married life and share them with others so they start to be aware of their own graces. Thank God, for a wonderful first year of marriage and may He bless us with 80 more to practice these five things until we are saints!
 |
Grace Abounds,
Itzel Duke
So wonderful. Keep writing. You are honing a skill God has blessed you with. And you are not only helping married couples, you are helping this priest.
ReplyDeleteI'm so happy for you and your marriage. Thank you for sharing this.
ReplyDelete